Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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