Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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