His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
