why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
