Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
