I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
