My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
