i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sarcasm needs its own font
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
