i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
