Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My penis needs a shock collar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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