i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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