Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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