Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
