i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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