I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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