Whod you bang
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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