I met the friendliest cop last night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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