Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish they made helmets for livers.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
