My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
