i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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