I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
