I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
