try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
