so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
