I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
