She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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