guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
