I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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