Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
