So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
worst night to have a conscience
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
