why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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