Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
