'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
