I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
