Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
