Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
