I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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