fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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