just come out here and I will go home with you...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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