I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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