the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
