I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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