Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
