How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
