I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
