WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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