i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
