She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
