saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
