so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize