my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
