Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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