You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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