He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
