I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
