Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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