Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
