I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
