areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
