sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
