How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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