having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
