I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
