i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
